The Sound of One Hand Crying

The following was taken verbatim from a text conversation I had a few nights ago. Obviously, it's just my side of the conversation but to be fair I was pretty much ignoring everything the other person said to try and calm me down (sorry about that, by the way). The only reason I put this down in my blog is that I believe it's an accurate reflection of me at one of my lowest points and, really, that's what this whole blog is about. Oh, and I should probably say this blog is rated NC17 for adult language.


Ok, I couldn't just ignore it. I have zero self-control. Why would she even do that? What's her angle? I don't understand her. Maybe that fucker she's with died. Do you think he's dead? No, I have to ignore it. I just have to. I don't know how to do anything else. I can. I have to. Oh that fucking chick. Fuck! I mean God damn, its not enough she destroy my life and my sanity, now she has to ask how I'm fucking doing? What the fuck is up with that? What the hell is going on? I was doing so much better. I've worked so damn hard to be better. What the hell happened? What the fuck happened to me? I thought I was better. I really did. I mean fuck, it's been way too long for me to still be doing this shit. How God damn pathetic does this make me? Fucking hell. Four months! It's been almost four fucking months and I'm still a sick fucking child everytime she so much as texts me hello. What the fuck is wrong with me? I mean for fuck's sake, it's been four months! Three fucking weeks later and she's with this fuck. This fucking asshole fuck! Four months later and I can't think straight for a day if I so much as say her name out loud. Fuck me.