It has been a long, long week. It has been something like two weeks since anyone has left a comment but whatever, that's not why I do this. Physically, I'm probably in the best shape of my life and while I've still got those ugly purple scars on my forearm, they're all quite old and I'm feeling pretty okay about that. I'm a little behind in my reading but I'm really enjoying this book, Kafka On The Shore, and I'm going to go ahead and recommend it right now. Emotionally, I've been pretty average. Which, for me, is actually considered really, really good. I haven't had any kind of serious breakdown in a long time. I've had some really fucked up dreams the last week or two and I'm a little worried about that, but hey, it could be a lot worse. I still can't find a job, which means I still can't save up any money, which means I can't start looking for my own apartment anytime soon. Also, since my insurance dropped me I'm not sure I can even find the money to keep going to therapy right now unless I can find work. So...hmmmmm. Another letter to my love. Whoever she is.
To the love of my life,
Do you know yet that I love? Do you feel me when my heart reaches out to you? Blindly, I reach out into the world, grasping with numbed fingers, finding nothing but empty air. Do you ever feel me, if only for just an instant? I wonder if my presence is ever known to you, somewhere in the back of your mind. Without form, without shape, merely a feeling. A comforting thought, a tinge of expectant joy. Deep down in your unconsciousness you feel a warmth, a sense of homecoming. You don’t know what makes you feel this way but you find yourself feeling mysteriously happy and you look forward to understanding it. Do you ever feel me in this way? I am reaching out to you though I don’t know who you are. Perhaps you too are reaching out. Perhaps somewhere, sometime our spirits cross and we both feel a spark of knowing. We both feel home. We both feel loved. Do you know yet that I love you? Do you know yet that I will always love you?
With all my love,
Chris
I like this, mostly cause I would like to think that whoever is our loved one they are out there waiting, thinking, and feeling us.
ReplyDeleteI am happy for two reasons:
ReplyDelete1. you like the book! haha! I knew it!
2. you are writing letters, even if you don't get to send them to the right person yet, I think it is a perfect format for working things out. Letters are simply lovely. And love letters? even better.
write more letters! :D I love them.
ReplyDelete