Dramatis Personae

So yesterday and then this morning I had really been wanting to write something kind or sentimental or at the very least professionally respectful in the memory of my brother-in-law Mike's father who was taken off life support on Sunday following a stroke. I would have put up a picture of the two of them from Mike and Debbie's wedding and then I'd have a caption with his name and the years of his birth and death. The only problem is I really don't know anything about this man. I've literally met him on two seperate occasions: the wedding of his son and my sister and the rehearsal dinner the previous night. I don't even remember his first name. And I certainly don't know what year he was born. In the end my attempted obituary would have concluded with this:

Something Hayes ??? - 2010

And I genuinely mean no offense by this, although I realize it may come across as flippant. Really I love Mike, even if he hadn't married my sister I would still consider him a great friend to me. I felt grateful and priveleged to be chosen as a member of his wedding party along with his brother and honored to give a toast at their wedding saying what a great friend he is to me, what a great husband he would be, and how proud I was to have him in our family.

And, just like in my wedding toast, I wandered a little off topic there. What I'm trying to say is my brother-in-law and good friend, Michael recently lost his father and I wanted to say something nice about him but I know almost nothing about him except that he was incredibly alcoholic. I know plenty about Mike's mother and have met her on several occasions. Nearly every story I've heard about his childhood and adolescence involves his mother. So from what I can glean out of all this (and what I've been directly told) the two of them were rather estranged. Their relationship was cordial but it struck me that their wasn't actually much history between Mike and his father. Like me and mine. So I began to wonder what my reaction would have been had this been the loss of my father. Would I, could I be apathetic?
But no, that's not fair. Though our situations are similar at a glance, the details are starkly different. Though it is true that my father was largely absent through my childhood to the point that it hadn't occurred to me that my parents had become divorced until years after the fact. I grant him that he has made an effort to take an interest in my life over the last few years and has generously taken me on several trips with him, something that would have been unthinkable from him when I was young. I have him to thank for teaching me how to really hike, and for taking me to Peru and Yosemite and for his continued efforts to take us both to Tibet. And while our interactions together are still typically stifled and horribly uncomfortable, we have been improving and I guess thats something. And while I visit him only on occasion and usually only on these big hiking trips, we otherwise keep up a mutually enforced silence, talking to each other only through forwarded emails from my mom. He does, however, talk considerably more with my sister, for which, again, I give him credit. So yes, my history with my father has never been healthy and even now is far from perfect but I respect him today more than I ever have before in my life, not because of how he treats me, but because of how he treats my mother and my sister. He has changed a lot in the many, many years since he was a daily figure in my life and my opinion of him has gone up and down but today he is at least a father. He's my father and I'm glad. I hope that answered whatever the hell my question was originally.

As for my mother, I will openly admit that when she joined my gym late this spring I was incredibly upset. True she wasn't take any of the same classes as me but still, it was MY thing, MY gym, I found it! And being in a general state of incredibly upset during the time, I took this rather innocent intrusion hard. Recently, however, I've ceased to mind this fact. In fact, somehow over all this time she has become considerably more of a staple at the gym than I have. She is actively involved on the forum and their facebook pages (curse you, facebook!) Of course some of this has to do with her being a considerably more friendly and outgoing person than I am but STILL!

I have gym friends too, mom!

Anyways, it may have something to do with how healthy she's gotten, or maybe how happy it's made her not only to be so much more fit and healthy than she's ever been but to be a part of a welcoming and friendly community. Point being, I'm really proud of her. She's really dedicated to this, she's lost 50 pounds since starting and she sees no reason to stop anytime soon. In fact, come this next May she'll be joining me and a score of other crazy gym members for Warrior Dash! Yes, this, is what she plans to run and complete only a month before becoming a grandmother.
Oh yes, last but not least my list of family issues. My sister and Mike are expecting their first child. And while I don't want to take anything away from them, I will. Because it's my damn blog after all and that's what it's for. So I will be an uncle. I shouldn't be that weirded out by it, after all, plenty of people I know have been uncles or aunts at younger ages than I and two of my closest friends will soon be celebrating their child's first birthday. So I shouldn't feel weird about it. But I do. I'll be Uncle Chris. God, the thought alone makes me shudder.

Does this look like someone who is ready to be an Uncle?
Actually he looks like a pretty awesome Uncle.

This post started off a little sad and morbid and ended, much much later than I'd expected, on a strangely happy(?) note. No, maybe not happy exactly. But I guess what I'm trying to say is, all things considered, as glum and uninspired and unmotivated as I feel, for the first time ever I feel like I have a family. And, if nothing else, at least I'm pretty content with them.