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Saturday, December 4, 2010

A Long Time Coming

I cut and paste. Random words, phrases, sentences, whole pages of text even. Over and over I do this. Cut. Paste. Cut. Paste. Cut. Paste. Like a Homeric poem in the style of a ransom note. Cut. Paste. Where once this would've been accomplished with scissors and glue, today it is as simple as ctrl+x, ctrl+v. Cut. Paste.

I find life to be utterly baffling. What is this human life to me? Its some bizarre farce of what I think life should be. Call me naive or pessimistic, optimistic even, but it all just seems wrong to me. Its all so wrong.

I know I won't be sleeping again tonight. Its three in the morning. Outside, snow continues to fall, silently accumulating on our deck chairs. Through the window I can feel the cold press against me.

He said he couldn't decide.

I waste hours here; nursing a long tepid cup of tea and watching strangers pass by, always diverting my gaze half a second before their eyes can meet mine.

That song from the old Coca Cola commercials is playing through the speakers. "I'd like to teach the world to sing." Its cheesiness makes me want to scream. I scream.

I pinch myself to know I'm awake, only to find to my surprise that I feel nothing at all.

The staircase climbed up and away into the sun.

I sang to you of my undying love until my voice grew hoarse. And when you asked me for a whisper I could no longer muster the strength. So you grew weary of me and left.

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