I started this blog one year ago today and, if you go back and read that first post, I had begun the year with a kind of cautious optimism. For me that's about as optimistic as you're going to get. And indeed, I begin 2011 with what can better be described as "is there anything lower than pessimism?" Going into 2010 I was expecting to turn my life around at least a little bit. And during that year I battled my latent alcoholism, coped with depression, and struggled through a job I hated, all through a haze of painful isolation. The year had its high notes of course, I joined a gym I truly love and at least physically, I have improved considerably from a year ago; I got to see my sister marry to a very cool guy; and I travelled through southeast Asia for three weeks in what was an...interesting journey. If you were a normal, well-adjusted person you would probably weigh those three positives as much more important than my negatives. I, however, have chosen to view this year as a failure. How is it a failure? Because it failed to live up to nebuluously defined spiritual and mental goals. So fuck you, 2010. You can go fuck yourself in your fucking ass.
As for 2011, I'm not holding out any hopes. In that way it'll be pretty much like every other year of my life and hopefully it will be more difficult to be disappointed. I'm starting out with a brand new job at an independent bookstore which is a very good place to start. Will I return to school? God, I wish I had an answer for that. I want to, truly I do. But there's this wall in my heart that's keeping me from it. It's something I'll have to discuss another time. I have every expectation of keeping up the good parts of 2010, however. I will continue to write, in fact hopefully I'll write more than just this blog. I've recently picked up my guitar again and will hopefully continue playing weekly on that. In the next year I look forward to continuing Krav Maga, and to pick up more crossfit classes so I'll be prepared in 2011 to take my level 3 krav test and Warrior Dash in June. Also in June, I am expected to become an uncle for the first time. And lastly, here's hoping I will get to travel some more. Hopefully Spain, maybe even China. The world is my oyster. And I fucking hate oysters.
Yeah, that about sums it up. What fresh hell awaits?
Yeah, I really just didn't even notice the New Year happening. I'm all for apathy and ignoring any significance in it. Even though you still have the life sucks attitude, your new job and gym goals and playing guitar and traveling and becoming an uncle all sound pretty fucking great. So, I guess, even if the year sucks like 2011, you will still have those high points and that's something.
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