Saturday, May 21, 2011
For the first time in a very long time I had a good dream. And it was all because of the girl sleeping next to me; the girl who wants nothing to do with me. The girl to whom I'm little more than a human pillow. The girl that when I asked her, "What do I mean to you?", kissed me and said "I haven't decided yet." This is the girl that brings me sweet dreams.
Monday, May 9, 2011
I asked a friend if they wanted to go hang out tonight and they told me they couldn't because they'd already made plans with some other friends. To this, I, like a mature adult replied (via text obviously) "That's cool, I'll just have to go have some fun by myself." Which is, of course, the most blatant lie I have ever told. I am easily the least fun person one could possibly be friends with. You know how I know this? Because immediately after sending that text I got into bed and watched four hours of Conan reruns. And you know, that wouldn't even be so bad if I had enjoyed myself. It may not be social or exciting but I said I was going to have fun and, by golly, I had fun. Except that I didn't have fun. I laid there in bed watching Conan and feeling sorry for myself and wishing that I was out having fun. Because I am a not fun person. It's just who I am, and so how can I possibly blame my friends for going out with other friends? I certainly wouldn't want to hang out with me. I do like Conan, though.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Sometimes I have this dream where I've woken up and 75 years of my life have just vanished. I awake to find I'm an old man, sad and desperate and lonely; who has wasted his life burning bridges and building walls. In this dream I'm at the edge of life and death with nothing to look forward to but the quiet embrace of my sleep eternal, truly the only reward I deserve from a failed life. And then again sometimes I just wake up and that's all true.