One-Way Glass

I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost some of my mirth.

I've been having bothersome dreams almost nightly for probably the last two weeks. And when the dreams aren't bothersome; dreams of happiness, of joy, of love, those are the worst ones of all. They're the dreams that offer a world that cannot be. Last night I had one of those dreams. Last night, I dreamt I met Her: the love of my life, the girl of my dreams, if you will allow the term. A girl with beauty like starshine, a gaze as inspiring as the most majestic waterfalls and a smile as heart-rending and awesome as the creation of the world. That was the girl who appeared in my dreams. And though she had no reason to ever love me, I wooed her with wit and song and whatever charms existed in my dream self that I so surely lack in my waking self. And when she loved me there was nothing left of the world. There was only us. Me and Her. And when I awoke this morning, I near wept at the unfairness of it all. Would that I could return to that dream forevermore where joy and meaning exist in equal measure in my life, where there is hope and inspiration and beauty and light. Where there is Her and where I am not alone.

A few nights ago I dreamt that I was shot in the stomach by a police officer played by Yvette Nicole Brown, the black actress who plays Shirley on Community. When I awoke I had a pain in my chest and I was drenched in sweat so.....there's that too.